Everyones Super Bowl

It has been a difficult few weeks for me. It always is this time of year. I haven’t enjoyed the holidays in about 7 years. Also it seems like I am always in a difficult period of my life.

I have been waiting to write just because I wanted to give you something good. I have a few drafts that just didn’t pass muster. But I enjoyed writing them. I need to write. I need to express my emotions.

Why do I feel out of place here? Why does it seem like my job (which I love and am passionate about) doesn’t always walk in step with my faith, which in turn doesn’t always walk in step with the culture, which then contradicts relationships.

I pushed a kid while playing basketball today. It was weird because, I wasn’t mad at him. He wasn’t really doing anything wrong. I just pushed him. I felt weird inside. I told him later that i was sorry for doing it. He forgave me which was nice. But it doesn’t answer the question I have right now about why I am up blogging all of you about it.

Maybe I am tired of being pushed, FOR NO REASON!! Let me explain something I have learned about the pecking order of life. The bigger you are, the stronger you appear, the more people hold you responsible for things. Now I am all about personal responsibility, but just because you are physically bigger doesn’t mean you are any different.

In basketball, I am usually one of the tallest/biggest guys on the court. Now I am in all reality pretty normal sized, but a little tall. I have found that shorter guys who have to play me tend to hit as hard as they want, grab me, and push me. I don’t call the fouls because I am not a pussy, but I have threatened a few of them. It frustrates me because I have had to guard guys many inches taller then me, but I don’t hit them or foul them to try and stop them. In my mind I will try to stop anyone and if they beat then I have to get stronger, faster and smarter.

Think about, in life, the people you look up too. Do you treat them different? Are you more or less sensitive to the person who seems to be stronger or more confident?

I have learned that God has given me great gifts as He has to all of us. But some of my weaknesses are mental and emotional. These things I may not reflect outwardly because I have learned to live more discreetly. But that does not mean I am the tall guy in life. I just want to feel and be treated normally.

Okay now that my bitchfest is over, I feel better. Just pray for me. I am leaving for Africa in a few days. I can’t wait to go again, but I know it is going to be stressful. And I know that people will be looking to me and counting on me. I welcome the challenge and hope to leave all the problems I face now behind for a little while. I believe it is possible.

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