Now compare that to Dr. Jonas Salk. Do you know who Dr. Salk is? He is the medical doctor who discovered a cure for polio. That cure is available to the entire world and it is virtually free. Dr. Salk purposely did not patent his vaccination. He believed the right thing to do was save lives, not make millions of dollars off of a virus. When asked who owned the patent to the vaccine, he famously stated, “Can you patent the sun?”

Dr. Salk is a hero. He gave life. He is to be remembered as such. Lets not forget though, as we battle pollution and a devastating reliance on foreign oil, that G.M. purposely ended quality public transportation for profit. The real kicker is they recently received a bailout.

Integrity is doing the right thing all the time.

Now I am back in the midwest. I enjoyed some very good ribs with some of the best sweet corn. I also had some lebanese food including falafel. My mom made me several loaves of Zuchini bread. Wow, it is amazing. I also had a gallon of Apple Cider myself. F.Y.I. Apple Cider is very high in calories.

I think what Ohio needs is beverages produced in Mexico. Like Coke made with real cane sugar. Or beverages like Tamarindo, Jamaica, and Horchata. These drinks are bodacious.

“The faculty urges students to use a variety of biblical images, both male and female (Isaiah 49:14-15), when describing God’s attributes and characteristics. The bible itself does so and student should follow that model.”

There is a little more to the policy but you get the gist. So in reflecting on this thought, I cracked open the internet and did some research. I hold to a belief that God the Father is Masculine. I believe it is an important tenet of theology. I am always open to discussion on the issue though.

The issue is important and caused me to question my choice in seminaries. Then I began to wonder inside if I was meant to go full time to seminary. I am all confused at the moment. I am getting set up as an attorney. It is a costly process. Is this how God wants me to spend my time? I am in prayer over the matter.

Maybe I am holding to tightly to money. I got to to admit, I am not thrilled about spending $5k a quarter between books and tuition. Maybe, I don’t want to be back in school as much as I thought. I like working. But I want to do something great for Jesus in my life. Now I have to make a decision.

My friend, and sage advice giver, Ty Stewart said to me that if I don’t know what God wants me to do right now, I should do the last thing he told me to do. Very profound indeed! Ty did say he took that gem from some author but I forgot who it was.

Well, I thought the last thing He told me to do was leave the San Diego Police Department, come to Ohio to be with family, and go to seminary. I did get into Trinity which was my top choice but it is in Illinois. They have an extension site in Akron. I may wait till spring semester starts (since fall semester is already underway) and attend there. Trinity is more biblically solid then the university I chose in my opinion.

Will you help me make a decision about my life? Then after we get through this conundrum we can go back to deciding on whether God drives a pickup truck or ford mustang.

As an icebreaker, the host of the orientation purchased a can of Icebreaker mints for each student. She labeled each can with a word such as “new” “night” and “wide.” She asked each student to get up and find the can labeled with its opposite. The “new” can owner found the “old” can owner, “night” found “day,” “wide” found “narrow,” and so on. I looked at my can. It said, “Hard.” I wondered if God had set that can aside for me.

To be truthful, as I sat in seminary orientation, there was a battle raging in my soul. I am only one week away from a life consumed by my job. And my job was the best. As an inner-city police officer, I was involved in all of humanity’s ills. I loved it. A police officer needs many traits, but for those of us that worked Southeast San Diego we took pride in being HARD. We wanted that reputation. We needed it to be safe amongst the gangsters.

Now I sit as professors talk about worshipping Jesus and studying his word. God’s grace washes through me. I begin to shed my cynicism and open up inside. But like a boomerang the inner-force needed to be on the Force comes back. I want to be in control again. See if you are a cop, you better be in control. If you give control over to the person you are in contact with you might as well hand them your gun. You remain professional as best you can but you always are in control.

Now God has drawn me into an environment He controls. He dictates the tempo and direction of each moment as it should be. His peace is permanent and trustworthy. I desperately need it. However, the duality inside me still exists. I miss the hunt, the chase, and the authority. I took pride in it. I lived for it. It is addictive if you are not careful.

I look forward to being a cop again. It is apart of my fiber…my makeup to put it all out there. To do it to the best of my ability though, I need to be under God’s direction at all times; in my personal life, my church life, my work life, and my relationships. I need this seminary experience and I can’t wait for it. But I still sit with my back to a wall. I still constantly look around the room for danger. I still walk with my shoulders back and my head up. I still make eye contact with everyone to make sure they know I am there and alert. I am still hard.

Question? Can a Christian be “Hard?”

Prayer:

Thank you Jesus for being able to blend the best of us with the excess of your greatness. Your shadow is the new fuel burning inside of me. Your love is the new sidearm. I need you now. You are my only backup.

We went back on shore and found a big log.  We took the log out onto the ice.  Together, my friend and I were able to smash a big whole in the river.  We stripped down to our boxer shorts (or just “shorts” if you are uncomfortable with that revelation).  We took turns swimming in the water.

It was fun!  We put our clothes back on and went back to school to celebrate our victory.

I have been waiting to write just because I wanted to give you something good. I have a few drafts that just didn’t pass muster. But I enjoyed writing them. I need to write. I need to express my emotions.

Why do I feel out of place here? Why does it seem like my job (which I love and am passionate about) doesn’t always walk in step with my faith, which in turn doesn’t always walk in step with the culture, which then contradicts relationships.

I pushed a kid while playing basketball today. It was weird because, I wasn’t mad at him. He wasn’t really doing anything wrong. I just pushed him. I felt weird inside. I told him later that i was sorry for doing it. He forgave me which was nice. But it doesn’t answer the question I have right now about why I am up blogging all of you about it.

Maybe I am tired of being pushed, FOR NO REASON!! Let me explain something I have learned about the pecking order of life. The bigger you are, the stronger you appear, the more people hold you responsible for things. Now I am all about personal responsibility, but just because you are physically bigger doesn’t mean you are any different.

In basketball, I am usually one of the tallest/biggest guys on the court. Now I am in all reality pretty normal sized, but a little tall. I have found that shorter guys who have to play me tend to hit as hard as they want, grab me, and push me. I don’t call the fouls because I am not a pussy, but I have threatened a few of them. It frustrates me because I have had to guard guys many inches taller then me, but I don’t hit them or foul them to try and stop them. In my mind I will try to stop anyone and if they beat then I have to get stronger, faster and smarter.

Think about, in life, the people you look up too. Do you treat them different? Are you more or less sensitive to the person who seems to be stronger or more confident?

I have learned that God has given me great gifts as He has to all of us. But some of my weaknesses are mental and emotional. These things I may not reflect outwardly because I have learned to live more discreetly. But that does not mean I am the tall guy in life. I just want to feel and be treated normally.

Okay now that my bitchfest is over, I feel better. Just pray for me. I am leaving for Africa in a few days. I can’t wait to go again, but I know it is going to be stressful. And I know that people will be looking to me and counting on me. I welcome the challenge and hope to leave all the problems I face now behind for a little while. I believe it is possible.

Now inevitably some of you will assume that this is all innuendo (shhh, of the sexual nature).  Some of you know me well enough to know that I am random and odd and therefore think this is real.  So before I go on with my story, I will tell you thetruth.  It is both!!! Yes, I am a cottage cheese virgin and have told this to many of my friends!!! but yes you can also replace cottage cheese with….eh hem….sex.  So enjoy this post like you drank a jib of cough syrup and are watching House.  Figure out what it means for you!

Now, I was sharing this story with my married friends last week.  They laughed at the thought of a person actually committing to not eat a relatively mundane food until their honey moon.  But in the midst of the humor, the wife (and for this part, please stop the innuendo or else I am a bad human), to my horror, told me something. She baked christmas cookies for me (again no innuendo, actual cookies, actual holiday) and they had cottage cheese in them!!! (okay resume sexual innuendo).

I cupped my head in my hands as I realized that I am now no longer pure, when it comes to cottage cheese.  So what I am I asked my friends.  Am I a “secondary” cottage cheese virgin? well, I don’t know.  Does eating cooked cottage cheese in the form of a tasty cookie count as an oath breaking event?  If it does, then well, I guess last christmas, I started my new life as a “secondary” cottage cheese virgin.  I hope my future wife understands.  Personally I don’t think this one fits.

Am I a “technical” cottage cheese virgin?  I mean did I enjoy as much cottage cheese as I could without “technically” eating it?  Wow, this is a tough world of culinary purity.  How will I tell my children when we are talking about cottage cheese?  How will my wife respond?

Bottom line, it is just cottage cheese!  Seriously, why do we do this to ourselves.  Now don’t get me wrong, I think everyone should save at least one dairy derivative delight for dedication to matrimony.  But you know what, I am 28.  I am a human being.  I like food!  I was built with a strong desire to try food and to enjoy it.  Maybe you need to read this and be free of your guilt!!!!

Be redeemed!  Be human!  Try to stay away from the cottage cheese for just a little bit longer.  Some times I can only face one day at a time.  I tell myself I don’t know how I will keep the spoon out of the plastic Dannon tub for years until that wonderful day, but I know that I can do it today!! And sometimes that is how I approach it.

Don’t think that if you are lactose intolerant, and therefore able to easily avoid cottage cheese you are better then anybody else.  I actually feel bad for you.  Cause you know you want it!  but you have such a weak stomach you can’t enjoy the thought of it.  It frightens you and makes you feel bad about yourself.  I am here to tell you that the older I get, the more I want to try it, and you know what that is quite okay and natural!!

Now maybe, some of you hate cottage cheese cause you were forced to eat it as a child.  I can totally understand why you would be opposed to it.  Just remember something, trying it out, enjoying it, desiring it, will never justify what some person did by forcing you to eat it when you were younger.  Let God, as He promises to do in Luke, take revenge, don’t punish yourself.  You deserve to enjoy cottage cheese more then anyone!!  (and on a personal note, I can write this paragraph because in my story, for a brief moment, I was that child )

Please help me make it one more day in my quest to save cottage cheese for marriage.  Don’t be buying it for me or putting it on my plate at parties!!!!  Finally, I am trying not to spend all day online looking at various ways that it can be made and served.

Thanks!
dave

I have recently been reading a book called “More then Serving Tea.”  Today I knocked out about 50 pages of it.  It was given to me by a very dear person.  

The book is about the struggles for Asian-American Women who are Christians.  Strange because I am only two of those (American-Christian, just if you know you weren’t sure).  I will reserve my intimate feelings and responses to the book for the person that gave it to me.  Some things are just to personal for a public blog…go figure.

But it has caused me to take stock of what it means to be a male in society.  And I realized that when it came to many areas, especially holidays, I am a spoiled little bitch.  :)  All my life, every holiday, in every family gathering…the women have done the work.  I haven’t done s#*%!  My grandmother, who sadly passed in April, cooked on my dad’s side while we watched football.  My mom has always prepared delicious feasts for us.  Side note-she makes her own barbeque sauce which is soooooo amazing!  

Every holiday every year! for 28 years!!  Lets add that up. Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, July 4, New Years Eve (I don’t count birthdays cause well, you know, you shouldn’t have to lift a finger on your own damn birthday!! to quote Paul Blart..”everybody deserves a card on their birthday.”  5 x 28 is 140 holidays.  Now minus the first 6 or so years when I couldn’t really help because I was still suckling upon my mom’s bosom (It is the official position of my blog that we support breastfeeding, its just better for the baby, sorry I know it hurts sometimes).  Thats minus 30.  We are officially at 110 holidays where men watched football, wrestled around, and acted like general idiots while the women worked.  

Now most of you know me, I tend to be too hard on myself, and though I am making a point here, I must say that some guys did help.  My grandpa on my dad’s side helped out by making the mashed potatoes..something even i can do.  And my mom’s husband Leon is actually a really good cook and helps out.  I will assign an arbitrary score to each of their labor at lets say 14 holidays.   So 110 minus 14 equals….96.  I am 96 meals in the hole because I believe whole heartedly in gender equality and serving others.  

So for the next 96 holidays until I erase my debt…I will be serving you Mac and Cheese with Tuna mixed in.  The only edible dish I know how to make. (I am not kidding).  Well, I am kidding about the 96 holidays but not about my ineptness as a master chef.

I can never fully understand how much my mom and grandmothers and aunts have loved me in the way they have prepared holidays.  So I present a new idea, that I will institute on the off-chance I make it to the altar and have kids and what not.  ”Guys Holiday” seriously it is about time we as guys get in on the fun.  So we split up holidays like a step-son and his girlfriend do.  One  holiday for this side of the family and another holiday for that side.  On “Guys Holidays” the guys cook, clean, serve, and smile all while the girls sit in the living room and watch, talk, do, whatever it is girls do together (I wouldn’t know).  

I would take pride in guys holiday.  I would be pissed if my sister-in-law or make-believe wife or mom even so much as whipped the potatoes.  You would hear guys in the kitchen of course we would be cussing each other out over the boullion (not sure how to spell “boulion” or even what it is) and the turkey, but we would get it done!!